i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
