God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
