you traded sex for a burrito?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize