i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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