Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
