I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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