I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize