yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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