Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
