you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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