I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
