I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
