I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
