I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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