he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
