ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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