we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
