Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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