She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize