I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
