I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I hate all girls vehemently.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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