It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
