The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I need water and some morals
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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