Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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