Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
