Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
