you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
