Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
