feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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