is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
