I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
