yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
