Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
