i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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