just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
