my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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