like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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