He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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