Your dad touched me again.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
