am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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