It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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