A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
