It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
