if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
