I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I enjoy the company of your penis
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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