I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
