dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
