did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
