I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
