people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
