That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
