somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
