drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
