I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
