He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
