and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize