I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Naked. naked and bneed help.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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