believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
