So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
