Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she told me i tasted like america
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize