She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
