all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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