Cold hands, warm shart.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize