i may or may not be watching the land before time
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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