Barsexuality is the new black.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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