This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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