There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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