I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
