Betty ford says i'm here all night
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize