people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
