i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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