The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
