Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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