Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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