my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
