It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
