So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
